Mass Ruin
by Gone Rampant
Summary: Self Insert: I'm sent to the Mass Effect Universe through a black-hole, and now I've gotta stop Saren from ass-r**ing humanity. No pressure...  T for language, violence, and my humour may be different from yours, to warn you.


_**Mass Fuck-Up**_

_**Welcome to my self insert fic, and first Mass Effect fanfic, Mass Fuck-Up! Yeah, I just love controversy...**_

_**If you are reading this, then welcome! If not... Then you don't get anything but my middle finger pointed at you.**_

_**Anyway, before I lose ALL my viewers, here's the fic.**_

_**Don't own Mass Effect, that's BioWare's honour.**_

I can't believe it; what I've seen, what I've done... I certainly didn't expect to be flung to the Mass Effect Universe.

Wait, I'm getting ahead of myself, so I'll start with basics:

My name... Well, I'd like SOME privacy, so I'm changing it. The name's Josh *******, aged twenty-two. I'm a guy (Seriously, my name is JOSH, not Jacqueline, dumb-ass). I'm a master of sarcasm, I have a fear of enclosed spaces and the dark, have a short temper, I tend to rant and ramble on when pissed, and between you and me, I am working on a plague on cockroaches, despicable vermin...

It all began on a Saturday night, playing Man's best friend, behind dogs and Budweiser...

I'm talking about the X-Box, you tool, not the PS3. I don't hate it or anything, I just don't like it. And yet I have one. Talk about crazy... Mind you, Twilight is complete bullshit and an obvious self-insert, and yet the author is still treated like God by fans. Some even say it's better than Harry Potter! Talk about bull...

Anyway, here's how it happened...

_**00000**_

"OH YEAH, BITCHES, THAT'S WHAT YO MAMMA WAS LIKE LAST NIGHT!"

"First, my mother lives in Europe, and second, quit screaming into your mike, you sound retarded. Wait- That's because you are!" I say back to "Gay-Boy Advanced". The gamertag of the Noob who got lucky with his Rocket Launcher in Halo Reach. My housemate, Danny, had left for bed half an hour ago- And if you're wondering why he's not yelling for me to shut up, here's a nice fact: The owner of the apartment before? He was a composer, so to stop complaints from housemates, he soundproofed the whole place! I could fire a gun in here and I wouldn't be heard; Talk about sweet...

Sighing, I turn the volume up in the X-Box's music: Many of Horror, by Biffy Clyro. Matt Cardle's version's alright, but the original is WAY more theatrical then Cardle's one. I turn my attention back to the game as I respawn, run forward, and get a lucky Assassination on an unlucky player.

Ok, time for some senseless violence, so I think it has to be Crackdown 2 with the Keys To The City DLC installed...

_**00000**_

Ok, that's my primal urge to fill people with nice big missiles to the face in Crackdown 2 complete, those Freaks... I think I won't get much sleep tonight, I think. Together with all the Grunts I killed in Firefight, they'll attack me in my dreams... Terrific.

I sign out of X-Box LIVE, switching it off as I head to my bedroom.

Sleep is underrated, I think. Still, Invasion of the Body Snatchers can make you hate sleep; Still, Brooke Adams without clothes on... Small price to pay, I think.

Okay... That was just stupidly perverted...

Once in my bedroom, I head to my closet and just as I'm about to put my jumper on it-

When I hear something behind me.

I turn and- Holy Fuck on a bowl of soy-sauce!

There's a friggin' black hole where my bed was, and I'm being sucked into it!

All the lights go out, and I feel like something is ripping me in half- I want to scream, but I can't...

My eyes open again, and I look around.

I'm in a dark alley, and outside I can see... Wait, Danny must have put spice in my coke again.

Did I just see a Salarian? With an Asari? Wait a second-

I'M IN THE MASS EFFECT UNIVERSE?

May my life become fucked and doomed beyond measure...

_**And so it begins. Sorry for the length, but this is an intro to Josh and how screwed his life shall become. Soon, it'll get even worse, and that's before Virmire! Anyway, please review, so I know what's going through your heads about this. Gone Rampant, signing out.**_


End file.
